La Dispute – “I Shaved My Head”

Listen to the full album: https://epita.ph/3I1cQNp
“I Shaved My Head” by @ladisputesomewhere from the album ‘No One Was Driving the Car’, out now
Order, stream & download at https://ladispute.ffm.to/nowtdc

Behind the scenes digital zine by Adam Vass
https://iamnoone.org/s/I-shaved-my-head-digital-zine.pdf

Steven Paseshnik: director, cinematographer, editor
Adam Vass: director & editor

Produced & written by La Dispute
Engineered by Connor Massey
Mixed by Scott Evans at Antisleep
Mastered by Heba Kadry

LYRICS
i shaved my head in the sink / i left the water running / i watched my hair block the drain / and on the bathroom’s flooding ground / built no ark for myself / i longed for end times coming / i understood what it meant / to need to kill to reset

this stranger standing reflected / with my old image blending / inside the mirror before me / the death of self portended by / all the years that i spent closing my eyes / to try to change what i’d become now in life / to die and start again

i fixed my eyes on the light above / the level rising / and let it swallow me whole / all gaps from floor to ceiling closed / up and onto my neck / the steady water flowing / then climbing over my head / i shut them tight to accept

as if in amber suspended / both arms and legs extended / the pressure bending the glass / then shattered out and down i went / forces pulling to the surface of earth / like some raptured body played in reverse / to start and die again

two summers past / at the bathroom sink and standing / shirtless cutting my beard / you came in to sit and talk / i watched you watch in the mirror / brought the trimmer grinning up to my head / said “hey i’d never have to pay to get my hair cut again” / nervous laugh / said “you wouldn’t—”/ interrupted when the trimmer lowered / fistfuls of hair falling softly down / to the floor before you

and you cried for a minute when i did / like a child who saw their father for the first time with a shaven face

a subtle change / a sudden stranger

made and then betrayed / the shape turned unfamiliar

first i thought you were scared that i could never grow it back again / now i see at least six months passed since you‘d recognized me

a decade spent dissociating / backwards from the past / inside alive and laughing / still

a minor change in desperation / a minor change in desperation the mirrored shape my bent reflection made

shaved my head to force a change

to be un-recognized

______________________

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